20 years + 1 day

Update in what I've been doing:

Writing this post with a groggy mind. Have been trying to pen this post the past few days, but put it off due to "exhaustion". Cause is playing too much DotA2 I guess, my new entertainment source, it lagging in almost every game notwithstanding. Shall replace my laptop at the end of this year, I think. Wanted it to be a connection platform with friends as well, not working very smoothly though. Reasons: 1) I haven't played pub yet even though I've played against bots for quite a long time already (inclusive of the original DotA game). 2) Not all friends or acquaintances play that game. The second reason is not a reason if one stares hard enough. Thus, I've been reading up and practicing (in coop bot games) in order to have an enjoyable virgin pub game experience. Then I'll play together with my friends (who of course play pub) and hopefully bond closer.

Thoughts:

Before I started my DotA2 craze, I had been watching Japanese anime back from my childhood times. From  the increased number of unpleasant experiences I witnessed or was part of since I left school, I was wondering why people can be so mean. After watching the first 2 seasons of Digimon, I uncovered the message which I have not received from the anime. (I didn't manage to catch every episode on TV when I was young.) There exists a balance of light and darkness. Good and evil are always present, in harmony. To expect a world full of light and goodness is akin to wishing for Utopia. I guess I just have to constantly improve myself in the light to fight against the darkness in myself and in my surroundings. As cliche as this may sound, good will triumph over evil, and I firmly believe in it. Another key take from the anime: to actively strive for the things I want in life. They'll not magically fall from the heavens, work is needed to achieve them. Life's too short to wait for things to happen, it's better to make things happen. =)

2013, the year after the world supposedly ended

2012 was an extremely eventful year for me. A brief summary in the form of a timeline:

Dec 2011 - Mar 2012: PES B1 BMT (which I OOT-ed from)
Apr - Jun 2012: Supply Assistant (or just plain storeman) at Maju AMT (with a superior which subscribes strongly to McGregor's Managerial Theory X)
Jul 2012: Supply Assistant at Gombak Base HQ
Aug 2012: PES C9 BMT (recourse, it provided me with a guard duty experience to remember)
Sep - Nov 2012: Supply Assistant at Gombak Base HQ (RTU)
Dec 2012: Vocational Course at STC

2013 probably won't be as eventful as 2012, not in terms of NS commitments at least. I guess I should be glad about that, but I fear that I'll just be a wall clock watcher during work. That will happen, undoubtedly. Just serving my duties till the ORD, no passion whatsoever.

I gained lots more acquaintances during 2012. Friend count number (not the Facebook type) didn't really increase, if it did in the first place. The former due to me opening up and just speaking my mind to people around me (was that a goal for me in 2012? I reckon so), the latter due to characteristics and values not matching. To begin to build a new friendship, I read from the internet source that a requirement is for the acquaintances to encounter each other without planning at least a few times. I second it, from my own personal experience. Another source states that as one gets older, it's more difficult to construct new friendships with others. Two main reasons account for that: 1) number of commitments increases with age, and 2) values and beliefs are more deeply rooted as one grows older (hence, harder for one to get his views and opinions accepted and appreciated by another). Continued search for like-minded people to nurture new friendships with will be one of my main goals in 2013 (the main takeaway from NS, perhaps? Other than work experience... if it can be called this way). The hope that a "best" friend will emerge did not die away, but after reading another source on the internet (ok, I know I'm too free), I realised I have to treasure the people who are currently around me and enjoy their company rather than incessantly waiting for a perfect friend to appear. Life is too short for that. I go out with friends relatively frequent nowadays. Nevertheless, my hope stays etched in a corner of my mind, reminding me of itself once in a while...

Oh, and I have two more items to be checked into my New Year Resolution: 1) to be more daring, 2) to be able to use words more intelligently (no, not in the academic sense, but the social).

Journey into the Wild

I'll update my blog whenever I need some avenue to release my thoughts and emotions bottled up inside.

Had pretty much a hectic NS life since enlistment, I'm quite glad I'm settling down now in my unit. I had a few goals I wanted to achieve in NS I think, I can't remember exactly what they are and cannot be bothered to dig them out. At least I have a vague idea. The NS experience is enlightening if I may say as of now. So here goes the reasons.

I get to meet all sorts of people from my traditional exposure to people with good academic results. Money-minded people. Relationship freaks. Mind-your-own-business dudes. Guys with the mindset that a day is a day and life goes on... The list continues. To be honest, I am rather overwhelmed. There's definitely no one size fit all to give a good impression to all people. Hard reality? Yeah, at least for me. I guess I was a perfectionist. I still am in some ways. The above mentioned realisation made me just look for potential friends to chat with about any topic under the sun. Boosts my thinking and speaking skills. If I'm not wrong, I wanted to improve my communication skills by interacting with everyone. Not possible. Even suicidal. I'm not going to attempt to please everyone, which is the route I took before I veered back. Diversity of opinions on a wide range of topics can be enriching, after all it is sort of like a verbal Internet at camp where we chat when we're free, but only a select few stuff is useful to note. 

Work and social life are two distinct entities too, I came to realise this. One guy can be a reliable work partner but not tactful in his comments to people. Another can be a charismatic person who skives. I have both types in my camp. I personally would prefer the first person to the second, because the second will most probably get by by putting on a puppet show. Oh, bother, I totally loathe those people. But well, I do know that a little bit of "concern" is needed at the right time, at the right place to the right person from time to time. From my few months consulting my peers, wayang is everywhere and inevitable. It is very versatile and powerful tool, especially if your target is more emotional based. There are a lot of these kind of people around who don't think straight. Previously, I was strongly opposed to bootlicking but since it's unavoidable and it works, and following the theory of adapting for survival, I compromised. Now, unknowingly, I take the extra effort to remind my superiors of things to do (related to my work), volunteer for (selective) work when bored and give suggestions and justifications for matters in the unit (of my interest). Seems very self-centred and pragmatic, isn't it? Well, I tried being a jack of all trades and a Mr Nice Guy, I ended up being abused instead with no thanks given. Again I was told that's how some society works -- you got to get in your head you can't treat your colleagues in the exact same way as you do to your friends. Of course getting connections in your workplace is helpful, another advice given, which I initially scorned off when I was disillusioned with people in my workplace after I was repeatedly made use of. Currently, I'm attempting to build my own workplace network to cushion myself, the search goes beyond my department whom I can't really click very well with. I'm just glad I have amiable relationships with all of them as my work ethics showed prominently. It's the only thing I can thank for when suddenly work starts coming my way because of 2 reasons: certain people start playing stunts and your superiors find that you are reliable. All the more the need to be "concerned" and to make known my "concerns" to protect myself (refer to the same para if you do not know what "concern" insinuates). I don't have much of a choice...

I must say my work life is still young. I've still a long way to go and a lot more to learn about the ways to survive work life. I'm just glad for the current friends I have who're still there. And to embrace some of my new found acquaintances which I made... while experimenting with my mediocre communication skills... tighter. Fine, my skills ain't that lousy if strangers are willing to take the first step to become acquaintances of mine. 430 more days... Yeah I started a countdown. Oh, and I got over my previous bouts dominating my previous posts --> the unexpressed link is there.