Much has changed since I entered HCI in secondary one. In sec. 1, my brain's controlled by the element of fun and impulse, but I still prefer home to outdoors. In sec. 2, my brain's almost the same, except that I was less impulsive, less innocent, less ignorant, and slightly more sensible. In sec. 3, due to environmental change, my character gradually budged. Once it budged, the rate of change became exponential. Affected by different elements of character of different people, with no aim of mine. In sec. 4, my character went through a final climax of elemental fixation, before it more or less settled down. Unlike, lower sec., in upper sec., I went through at least 3 different groups of people, due to the table arrangement changing (and even the tables themselves changing), therefore this reason was the catalyst of my character changing. However, throughout the four years, I'm still no good in communicating with adults. Throughout the years though, my tolerance slowly increases. Despite this, at the breaking point, initially a one-off explosion is expected, now, it's more of a slow, accumulating release. I think people prefer a one-off explosion to the slow, accumulating release. After all, it's like death, one prefers an instantaneous, quick one, and not a slow, torturous one. However, explosions happen more frequently. :P
And now I finally found out what I'm looking for in friendship. Making friends is akin to making investments in stocks. Each person is like a stock. Similar to investing in stocks, in making friends, one asks for returns. One will only choose a "stock" that has prospects in giving returns. If it doesn't, one will dump it and buy another which appeals to him. If one is "earning", one will consistently pump in more. Of course, once the "stock" starts to drop, if it has been giving one "earnings", one will not dump it immediately as trust has been built (as time passes). This may be fluctuations in the market caused by external reasons. Similarly in human relations, this can be termed loyalty. One does not simply abandon a friend if he/she is down. After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Beware of "stocks" you may be attracted to, but which in a long period still doesn't give much returns, other than empty words which serve to disillusion. Do not throw in too much unless you see a positive, realistic response, if not you will find that life goes a-crashing like the plight of an investor who trusts a stock a lot but suddenly loses his fortune due to it. Extremely hard to say if you are already head over heels (due to long periods of interaction) inside the relation. Don't get stuck. If you are, good luck then, hope the "stock" really gives you returns, otherwise... call a counselling hotline, if you need. Have to thank a person again, now I know what I am really looking for in a friendship. Or actually, it should be what most people look for (but they can't put it into words exactly what they're looking for, it's not like looking for a spouse). After all that one specially gives and sacrifices, be it time or energy or any other, one really hopes that the other person can do the same, even once will suffice, to let him/her know that all that has been given/sacrificed is worth it. Methods of requesting for returns range from demanding right in the face (ouch) to dropping little hints to providing chances. Using the emotional approach always work, if the person-in-question has an adequate amount of conscience. Psychological ways work wonders, but they can also be used on you. I don't like to use them, seriously. Please don't make me do so. It tears me as much as it tears you.
Finally finished investigating the relationships between friends. Back to academics, as much as I hate them. JC life will be a new chapter. Shall hold on dearly to current friendships though, will strive to maintain them. I hope I won't forget. Slap me if I do. Here's to a good 2010. =)
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