Can still remember the time when my batch passed out. Lousy venue, lousy organisation, lousy buffet, but at least it still managed to be held. It was memorable though. But I left with lots of regrets. The things which I had wanted to do but were limited due to my low capabilities and low position. Was not enthusiastic at all when I was a cadet. 咎由自取，能怪谁？Became a stand-in NCO via pure time devotion and often went thinking during ATRs. Mr. Ong was really a good OC Unit, his advice was invaluable, although very long. During my batch's POP, at the CIs and OC Unit propaganda and best wishes session, my mind was filled with these thoughts, especially since I received special mention from Mr. Ong during the ceremony. Then, Terence told me to come back as a CI during the shaking hands session. I wondered about it then. "Can I really be one, even without adequate experience?" Now as an inexperienced CI, I witnessed another batch passing out. I knew them for several months only. Was very carefree around them, unexpectedly. Just shot from my mouth what I wanted to say. Hence ended up being labelled as a joker. One said that being lame is equivalent to being funny by today's trend. Made several friends easily from having that character which I naturally take up when I cross JC to HS. Also don't know why the change takes place. I'm usually pretty mind-my-own-business in class and lectures. But then again, my class makes the most noise in lectures and probably tutorials too. Will miss them, developed a connection with some of the NCOs and ExCo / FIs members. But well, I can see them around in JC, just that in J2, I'll probably be more of a zombie than currently. The alumni that came back, officially organised by me via email, led me have a very good time yesterday. Had a better time than our own POP even. We owned an entire bus of 74 except a girl which kindly helped us take pictures, The time utilized at KAP was even better, reminiscence is the word. We caught up with each other on the happenings in our lives and gossiped about everything practically under the sun. IT WAS DAMN ENJOYABLE MAN. I want more times like that! XD The first batch of passed out cadets who came back as alumni =), a rather group too. We started the trend and may it be passed down. I think fate has been rather nice to me. Things have been rather smooth-sailing for me and mostly to my will. Have good colleagues who are willing to guide me along albeit being doubtful of my abilities. Now, after POP, I do have official positions and I'll do my best to guide the unit to greater heights. The feeling is different. Really.
And towards the end of the KAP journey, with that 无所不谈，completely open mindset with nothing to hide, I was struck with a stark realization. Didn't really care during that time, didn't think much. But I knew what that signified. I already kind of showed my relation to him that some alumni were asking about the actions I did. That alter ego open attitude of mind heck cares about most things and can attract many people as friends. And I can talk a lot with that form. That's good for making friends, but not really good for forging close relations. That alter form of mine tells me to not care about minor details. However, that normal form of mine, which takes in everything (makes it easy to fulfill my responsibility in the CCA), registers in me a message I can't possibly ignore. Friendship is maintained by constant sacrifices made for each other. But sacrifices come in many forms too. The convenience of sacrifice can be considered in evaluating the level of devotion one has for you. A sacrifice made that is convenient is inevitably different from one which is specially done out of the original course of action for someone. Obviously the latter signifies that the person treasures you a lot more. If the level of convenience of sacrifice is similar, then the friendship is a healthy one. If not, it is probably the case of one over-devoting and the other "exploiting". Unhealthy, the time and energy spent can be better spent on someone else who he is neglecting, whether or not he minds. The level of commitment theoretically should be the same for a healthy relationship. I know it. But, the sense of affection is too strong for certain people, the effects of withdrawal from them whenever I try to are varied but they are extremely sore and sour. As I have mentioned before, no siblings implies that the effect is multiplied by a number of times depending on which friend it is. I can't possibly tune down the level of sacrifice if I find indicators of over-commitment as the sense of bond is too strong (albeit it being stronger one way than another). I can only hope the relevant friends hike up their levels to match mine, but it is near impossible as it means diverting attention from elsewhere. Therefore, NO SOLUTION, and it will most probably be status quo. And I remember in chemistry, my tutor loves to say "The rich always donate to the poor, unlike the real world, where the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer." Indeed, why is life so difficult and humans so complex?
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